Everyone must be proud if had chance to represent their region to national event. So do I, I was so proud when got chance to represent
Bali to national event which held by WHO in Indonesia. As the leader of
‘Tabanan youth Red cross' community I was so happy, my subordinate also supported me to go to the event, my family, friend, red cross staff did the same thing. I felt like flying high in the sky like the gallant eagle but suddenly
get shot by a poisonous arrow and fall to the earth. My pride, my effort, and
my promise ruined by an accident. Something that I never expect will
happen in my life.
When I was in senior high school, I was an ambassador of
my school to participate in ‘Tabanan youth Red Cross community’ under Tabanan’s
Red Cross community name. The time passed, I was elected as their leader and this
is my first time to lead an organization. I tried my best and luckily I could lead my team to win some competitions and even brought Tabanan as runner up in
‘Jumpa Bakti Gembira Province Bali 2011’. It was my biggest achievement as a leader.
A few weeks later, the head of Tabanan Red Cross called
me to the office. He said that I got an invitation letter from Indonesia Red Cross
community to represent Bali in ‘Jumbara Nasional 2011’ that held by WHO in
Gorontalo. Tabanan only had one ambassador not like the other regency which had
2 ambassador which made me thought to give my best for my regency. So since that
day I studied hard about Red Cross material, came to the intern meeting and
sharing, also trained my body every day. Just in a month my effort showed its
result. I was confident enough to go to the National Jumbara.
Three days before my flight I prepared everything that I
need. The clothes, medicine, equipment, and many more things. At night after I
was mepamit my head suddenly felt dizzy even
I cannot open my eyes. My parents told me to get rest but my head still dizzy
and more, my body’s temperature increased. My parents became so worried so
they brought me to the hospital and you know what? The doctor said that I got
typhoid and must got rest for few weeks. Oh my God, the doctor’s words just like
a spear which thrust my heart again and again. In the end I cannot go to
Gorontalo and Tabanan doesn’t has any single person as the ambassador.
Indeed, that memory was so painful for me. My pride, my
promise, and every single effort I did in a month become nothing! It disappeared like dust! To be honest I was so miserable that time or can be saying like a
trauma. Even it was so painful but I learn one thing, as human every effort we
did is cannot be separated with our fate.
It is a good writing. But may be it will better for you to use words that known by everyone. It seems like universal words, for example in sentence "At night after I was mepamit at my merajan my head suddenly felt dizzy even I cannot open my eyes." You can replace the words"mepamit" and "merajan" or give a little bit explanation about it so the reader will understand. Thank you.
BalasHapuswell, thank you for the correction ayu ^^
BalasHapusBad Luck Adi Kerta. You often says this sentence, don't you?
BalasHapusWell, it was one of your another bad lucks again. However, don't be so sad for too long time Adi, there must be another chance to do better next time.
Well, in general, I think this text is good. You have a nice ability in choosing diction in your text. However, please pay more attention to your grammatical aspect as well. I found some mistakes in some of your sentences.
Just like one of your sentence in the third paragraph, you say, "... which makes me think to give my best for my regency." I think it is supposed to be, " ... which made me thought to give my best to my regency."
And, there are several others too.
So, I hope you can fix it or change it or something.
Good Job Adi (y)
Okay devi, thank you for your concern ^^
BalasHapusDon't lose your spirit because of this incident adi ;)
BalasHapus